A lot of people know that we lost our last little one (our first Tennessee Baby), three weeks before his due date. We were looking forward to Jedidiah's arrival, and we loved him more and more each month that we waited for him. How sad it was to find out that he would never sit with us at the dinner table, or tell us stories, or keep us awake at night. Jedidiah is still talked about every day. We love him. Deeply.
We've wanted to share a little about the loss of Jedidiah. It has been a little over a year ago now, and we felt like we were ready to share some of our experience.
Tennesse law allowed us to bring Jedidiah home from the funeral home and bury him on the hill behind the house. Trevor and I lost a full term baby in 1990, Benjamin, and the arrangements and funeral were handled at the funeral home and the cemetary. We were grateful for the chance to be able to experience our grieving and say goodbye to Jedidiah at home...the way things used to be done. It wasn't easy doing things the way we did them, but we felt like it was something we needed to do, and now we're glad that we did. We all played a part in getting ready for the tiny little service we had.
Trevor and the boys made a beautiful cedar box to place his little casket in. We called this the "outer box". I had Loran paint pretty flowers across the bottom and paint his name across the front. We had a great need to be able to do something for Jeddy....I guess to say," Goodbye, for now".
Trevor and the boys made a beautiful cedar box to place his little casket in. We called this the "outer box". I had Loran paint pretty flowers across the bottom and paint his name across the front. We had a great need to be able to do something for Jeddy....I guess to say," Goodbye, for now".
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| Trevor and the boys made a cedar box for Jedidiah's little casket to go in, and Loran painted it. |
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| Trevor and the boys bring the outer box out to place the casket in. |
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| Trevor and Caleb placed the casket securely in the box. |
The funeral home brought Jedidiah to the property the morning of the funeral. It was so hard to hear Trevor tell me that the hearse was coming up the driveway. And then to walk out and see it. For so long, it seemed like a dream. A nightmare. I constantly had to remember the Love of our Heavenly Father. And the comfort that comes from Him as we cry out for help.
Trevor conducted the service and did a beautiful job sharing about our life philosophy, particularly on why we feel the way we do about babies and children.And that we would be with Jeddy again one day. I really don't remember a lot about the service. I can just remember feeling how Trevor must have felt conducting his own baby's funeral. There were lots of tears.
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| Trevor did the funeral service. |
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| Here we are headed up the hill together to bury Jedidiah. |
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| Caleb, Christian and Elisha asked if they could dig the grave, and here they are finishing the burial. Trevor and I are above the grave watching. |
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| Trevor wating to put Jedidiah's little marker in place. |
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| Trevor smooths the soil over the grave. |
The funeral home was prepared to come and dig the grave, but Caleb and the boys wanted to be able to do it. When Trevor was finished with the service our family went up to the grave-site alone and the boys lowered Jedidiah's casket into the grave. We each threw a rose down over the casket and then took turns shoveling the soil back into the grave. The boys finished filling it in and Trevor placed the little grave marker on the grave.
Losing Jedidiah, and walking through the grieving process has been difficult for everyone. We all know that having a new baby isn't going to replace Jeddy. But losing Jedidiah has left a deep yearning in Trevor and I to hold another baby in our arms. We've walked this path before and having another baby is like a healing salve. It puts a spark of joy and hope beside the sorrow that will be there forever. We love you for always Jedidiah.
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